


Already seeing stars in the air

by sandyk



Category: Superstore (TV)
Genre: F/M, Stripping, pro sex work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-03
Updated: 2018-05-03
Packaged: 2019-05-01 16:55:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14525097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sandyk/pseuds/sandyk
Summary: Amy doesn't work at Cloud 9 after Emma is born, she goes to college and finds a different summer job.





	Already seeing stars in the air

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to A. Title from the national. Not mine, no profit.

When Amy got pregnant and after she said no to Adam and marriage, she spent most of her pregnancy at Cloud 9. It was a horrible job. She quit as soon as the baby came. She also applied to Washington University and got in. She got scholarships and took out some tiny loans so she could live at home with her parents helping out with the baby and Adam occasionally coming by. 

Her freshman year was so busy. All she did was study and try to keep Emma alive and not permanently scarred by having her mom in college. One of the girls in her study group who might have been a friend said, "What are you doing for the summer? More classes?"

"I think my brain would explode," Amy said. "And I need to make money. I need so much money."

The friend said, "Have you thought about stripping?"

Amy blushed and laughed. "Are you kidding?"

"No," the girl said. "That's exactly what I'm doing when I get back to Atlanta. If you're going to judge, don't tell. But it's really good money."

"I don't think there are strip clubs in St. Louis," Amy said. "I mean, I don't know any."

"No, you cross the border, go to Illinois. I did a little research," the girl said. "Just in case."

Amy said, "No, thank you." But she thought about it for days. She researched the place in Sauget. Topless waitressing, exotic dancing. 

She'd been wild in high school. She missed that a lot. She didn't regret Emma, but part of her really wanted to bust out. Except, she thought, looking at herself in the mirror, she didn't really have a stripper body. She had good boobs from breastfeeding but she had a belly and wide hips, thick thighs. She didn't have any stretch marks from Emma and she was in not so bad shape. 

She went back to Rika, who was now definitely her friend. She said, "Do you think I have the body to do it? You have a great body."

"You have a great body. Trust me, men love thick girls. Keep the slightly shy thing, never mention your kid," Rika said. Rika gave her tons of advice. She even drove Amy to the place in Sauget. 

Amy had practiced stripping and dancing during the twenty minutes every few hours she got while Emma slept. Amy was responsible 100% of the time these days. She could take a break for the summer. She stripped in front of the hiring guy, spun a few times, showed him her ID and he said, "You'll do good. You will do very good. Keep the hair long, on your head. You're gonna need a bikini wax, though. When can you start?"

"Day after finals," Amy said, pulling her underwear back on.

She told her parents she was waitressing at a hotel on the other side of the river. She would definitely make money, she said. If they could just watch Emma while she was working. Just for the summer. 

It was a great job. Amy worried about seeing someone she knew but the closest she came was spotting one of her uncles while she was on stage. He was clearly too embarrassed to admit how he could have recognized her so he didn't tell anyone. 

It paid so much better than Cloud 9 had. She made friends with the other girls, there were a lot of other mothers working there. They had pretty good advice, too. And two of them helped her learn to be a better dancer. A better dancer at making money. 

Rika was right, guys liked the thick girls. Sometimes she felt scared or even a little violated when customers were assholes or she saw them waiting in the parking lot. But the guys who worked for the club were really good at making sure that those guys didn't last or hang around. 

She saw Rika when she got back to school. Rika said, "I had a good summer, how about you?"

"A very good summer," Amy said. "The funny part is I didn't get laid once. Like, it was stripping and taking care of Emma and that was it. It makes being called a whore kind of hilarious and deeply insulting."

"Yeah, totally insulting. Men are fucking pigs. I only dated this friend of my brother's, but he was way too braggy about where I was stripping," Rika said. 

"Men are fucking pigs," Amy said. "But they spend their money so stupidly." 

Her sophomore year was somehow so much worse than her freshman year. Emma was walking and talking and she never seemed to sleep. Amy was running on coffee in between begging her parents with tears in her eyes to take care of Emma for just one hour. She was the worst mother in the world. She was a better mom when she was a stripper versus when she was in college.

She pulled out decent grades somehow. Adam had decided to move to Montana for some stupid reason, he said he'd send money to Amy, and try to come to see Emma every few months. 

Going back to stripping was almost a relief. She had gotten better this year, she felt. She was more confident. CrAmy, she thought at herself, laughing. 

Once again, of course, she didn't even date. "It's funny," she said to one of her coworkers. "All that sex out there and none in here. And by here I mean in my thong."

"You're better off," her coworker said. "My boyfriend's an asshole. And bad in bed."

"And you're with him why?"

"I don't know," her coworker said. "He helps pays the rent."

"Only helps? Maybe you can find somewhere cheaper and you don't need his help," Amy said, smiling.

"I'll think about it," her coworker said. "I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Sorry," Amy said.

It was a good lesson, she thought, when she was home with Emma. "I'm only your mom," she said. "I'm not anyone else's."

She graduated with honors and held Emma's hand in every picture. Three summers of stripping and she had eliminated most of her loans. She had no savings at all, but she had Emma and a great degree. 

Amy actually managed to get a pretty good job pretty quickly. "Thank you, Mom and Dad, for your continuing babysitting." The place she worked paid her well enough she could even pay them. 

She still didn't date much. She dated barely. She spent time with Emma, she worked, and when she had free time she liked to do things that involved absolutely no one else and lots of silence. She hung out at the library a lot. 

Amy was twenty six the first time someone recognized her from her stripper days. She was in Chicago for the weekend, thinking. Thinking she might move there now that Emma was seven and would be in school more, she'd need less daycare. Chicago had a lot better jobs to offer than St. Louis even if Amy was doing really well. She just wasn't satisfied, she felt too settled. 

She'd even been dating and it all went nowhere. The last time she'd actually had sex was probably when Emma was conceived which was the dumbest thing ever. Next guy she dated, she thought, browsing in a book store, she was definitely going to fuck. Then she turned the corner and almost ran into some skinny white guy. He said, "Sorry, sorry," quickly and stepped back. He looked at her and he said, "Oh, oh. Um."

"What?" She could not understand why he was so flustered.

"So I went to college in Chicago and my friends loved to drive down to Sauget because there was this great, um, bar there. And you look so familiar from there, but there's no, that's incredibly creepy, sorry," he said.

Amy blushed. "You're the one who recognizes a stripper you saw three years ago. You're definitely creepy."

"Oh, it was you," he said. "You were just so, okay, I can't imagine you didn't constantly hear you were beautiful. But I really liked the way you were, um, judgey. Disdainful. Like you weren't friendly even if it paid."

"You liked me as a stripper because I was a bitch?" Amy was practically speaking in a whisper. She really didn't want anyone to know now she'd done that. She wasn't ashamed, but people thought stripper equalled prostitute and she wasn't getting a job as a project manager at an insurance company if they thought she was a whore.

"You were my favorite," guy said. "I lied to my parents that I had a gambling problem because I kept tipping you and, uh, cash. You didn't do private rooms."

"I did not," Amy said. She squinted at the guy. "Were you more clean-shaven then? Maybe I remember you. I remember the good tippers."

"I was, but it's okay if you don't remember. I always figured you were actually a college girl putting yourself through school since you were only there in summer," big tipper said. He was blushing now. "I sound like I've spent a lot of time thinking about you. But I dated, I've had girlfriends since then, none of them looked like you. I can show you pictures."

"It's okay," Amy said. "It's still a little creepy."

"No, no, I understand. I'm leaving the store right now. I still don't know your name. I mean, Selena was clearly a stage name. Since you changed it to Ramona your second year. And I'm back to creepy," he said. He turned and waved and left. 

He'd been cute. 

She called Rika, for the first time in forever. "I was thinking about you. Since it's hard not to with your phone app blowing up everywhere, you genius."

Rika laughed. "Are you still in insurance?"

"Basically. I'm moving into annuities. I'm thinking of moving to Chicago. But I finally, for the first time, ran into some guy who saw me stripping," Amy said. She had the phone on the seat next to her on speaker as she drove home. "He thought I was great."

Rika laughed again. "I take it he was attractive since you're not totally grossed out."

"Cute, in a creepy way," Amy said.

She did move to Chicago a year later. She left behind a boyfriend that she'd actually had sex with. And an ex-boyfriend she'd also had sex with. Her parents said they were coming up to visit every other weekend, which made them fifteen times more frequent visitors than Adam. It was hard not to worry about Emma, she deserved a loving father, a great dad like Amy had had. Adam could do it, if he just tried. But he never did. 

She found a nice place and she felt good about Emma walking to the street corner without her. No further than that, though. 

She'd been there over a year when one week at work, the rumor mill was going overtime. Amy tried to ignore that stuff. She had work and she kept her head down. But it was hard to miss this. Apparently, the grandson of the CEO was thinking about applying to business school, he'd been assigned to their department and working as someone's assistant. "God, I hope not me," Amy said. "How do you yell at someone when they suck if grandpa signs the paychecks? And you know he'll probably suck."

"I hear he's twenty seven and he's never had a real job," One of other managers said. "But, Amy, you don't have an assistant and you could use one."

"You hate me," Amy said. "After all this time, you hate me."

Amy did get stuck with the nepotism assistant. His name was Jonah Simms. She didn't even get to see his resume before he started.

Of course, he was the creep from the book store. She knew she looked shocked but at least he looked shocked, too. "Oh, oh, hey. This is awkward," Jonah said. "Do you want me to ask to go to another department? I'd understand if you didn't want me around?"

"Wouldn't that get me in trouble?" Amy pushed her hair behind her ear and looked straight ahead, away from Jonah. Who was probably picturing her naked. 

"I'm not picturing you naked," he said very quietly. "You would not get in trouble. I'd say you were great, but it turns out you knew me peripherally from my gambling days."

"So I know a lot of illegal gamblers," Amy said. "No, whatever, we'll make this work. You won't be here long, right?"

Jonah shrugged. "We'll see. This was all my dad's idea. Work here and see if I like it, get an MBA. I'd object, but there's nothing else I really want to do."

"Wow," Amy said. "Don't say that out loud a lot around here, okay? People will hate you more than they already do."

She trained Jonah the way she had planned to train her assistant, except she sat a little further away and never leaned over to look at his screen. He may have gotten into University of Chicago on his connections but she bet he did really well there, he was pretty smart. 

The first week was still really awkward. No one really noticed because everyone thought it was just Amy stuck with the nepotism hire. She dressed the most conservatively she ever had in her life. She read some business advice columns and she wondered if she should write in. "Dear Advice columnist, my new assistant that's been forced on me remembers me from when I was a stripper during the summers during college to make money."

Amy wanted to be a supervisor. She'd set aside her crazy and wild phase a long time ago. She had Emma and her degree and her job in insurance. She thought through what the best course of action was. 

She took Jonah out to lunch on his second Monday. She said, "Okay, we're doing this here because I don't want to do it in the office. Basically, people associate stripping with sex work and whores. I want to move ahead in this company and my life so I prefer people don't know about it. I am relying on your integrity to keep your mouth shut. I am relying on your decency that as your boss, when I discipline and help you with your professional development you will not pull out this info as blackmail to get out of real work or admitting your culpability."

"Got it," Jonah said. "Actually, it's been pretty cool so far. I think I like being an assistant."

"Jonah, if you ever want to do anything with your life professionally, never let anyone hear you say that," Amy said. "There you go, professional development. Also, we're keeping our personal lives private. I don't want to hear about your weekend and girls and whomever you're dating. You will never hear about my weekend and my private life."

"Sure, sure," Jonah said. "Before that starts, can I ask if that little girl on your desk, in the picture, is that your daughter?"

Amy had to smile. "Yeah, that's Emma. I got pregnant in high school and her dad tries, but he's really never that involved. She's great, though. She's eight."

"Nice rhyme," Jonah said. "Now let's talk about insurance."

Jonah took to being an assistant really well. He thought ahead about what Amy would need and took care of things for her. Sometimes they would even joke around about, like, things on TV, and Jonah's foodie thing. He kept telling her she had to try a new restaurant or even a food truck. One time she went to one with Emma and it was pretty good. She refused to tell him that, though. 

One time, two months in, she walked into the break room and two of the dudebros she hated were talking loudly about strip clubs. She felt a weird burst of fear and panic. Jonah came in behind her and said, "Hey, guys, I think this kind of talk is inappropriate for the workplace. You'll make people feel uncomfortable."

"Are you uncomfortable, Amy?" Senior Dudebro said. 

"Actually yes," she said. "First off, I never want to know anything about your personal lives. Second off, I really don't want to know about your off time where you give money to women who would never give you the time of the day otherwise. Third off, it's seriously right in the HR rules. I think it literally says 'don't talk about strip clubs. Don't even talk about the movie Showgirls.' Okay?"

They both grumbled and left. Amy said, "Well, there goes my hope for that new variable annuity rollout."

"Because of that?" Jonah crossed his arms. "No way. They don't have the power."

"Their friends do, and now they've had it reinforced for them that I'm a feminist bitch, which they already thought I was," Amy said. She poured herself coffee, black.

Jonah said, "No, I'm going to complain to HR."

"You can't," Amy said.

"I didn't have to fill out a resume to get this job, that's how much power my friends have. My family, I mean. Plus, my grandfather is over the moon with all the good reports he's getting about me," Jonah said.

"I've written two evaluations of you, at 30 and 60 days," Amy said. 

"Other people notice I'm good at my job," Jonah said. "My grandfather and I have dinner together all the time, he knows my politics. It is completely in character that I would be upset about people talking about strip clubs at work. Which we are not going to do."

"Don't put yourself out," Amy said. But she did appreciate it. 

The office New Year's party that was held in the middle of December was always a swank event. Amy never let herself forget it was a work event, though. She had one very expensive glass of wine from the open bar and then she stopped. She'd been circulating and networking and looking at pictures of other people's kids for an hour when Jonah found her. He said, "I remembered your advice and only had one drink. I guess you don't tell a lot of people that, though." He looked over his shoulder at two men loudly talking about the Bears; one dragged the other away and she could see them making out in the corridor. 

"It's good advice in general," Amy said. "Moderation."

"Do you ever go a little wild? I know we don't talk about our weekends. But sometimes, right?"

"I have an eight year old and she barely has a father. I have to do it all for her, make sure she's happy," Amy said. "The weekend is when I get to see her the most, so wild is let's go to a hockey game."

"I've never really been into hockey," Jonah said.

"Not professional hockey, there's a girls hockey league she wants to play in. When she's old enough," Amy said. "Her cousin, on her dad's side, they live around here so we hang out and Emma wants to do whatever Delia's doing. Which is hockey,"

"Cool," Jonah said. "I fenced in college."

"Of course you did," Amy said.

She didn't have the excuse of being drunk as to why she went to his hotel room. She was exhausted and her feet hurt and he had a room because he hated driving at night or some stupid excuse. Amy couldn't afford a room in this place even though she was doing okay. Hockey equipment was expensive. So she went upstairs with him and made sure no one saw them together. Then she sat on his bed and took off her stupid heels. "This is not a skill I retained from my stripping days." She rubbed her heel.

"I don't remember your shoes at all," Jonah said.

"So you don't have a foot fetish," Amy said. "How many times did you even go?"

"Ten times the summer you were Selena, fifteen times the summer you were Ramona, and ten times the summer you were Luna," Jonah said. "I know, super creepy."

"And sweet," Amy said. "And creepy. I'm not that hot. I was hotter then, but I'm not that hot."

"I told you, it was attitude. You were also really hot," Jonah said. He sat down next to her on the bed. "Do you want to sleep here? It's a suite so I can take the couch."

"Are you sure? You are way too nice to me. Also, I think we're crossing some boundaries, here."

"Oh," Jonah said. "Your manager hasn't told you yet. I'm transferring."

"Where?" She was genuinely upset.

"No, it's good, I've done good, you've been a great boss, these last five months were perfect. I'm moving to the wholesalers, you know, go around and press the broker dealer flesh. Still an assistant. But different department. But this time I filled out a resume and did references."

"They didn't call me," Amy said. "I'm your reference."

"Right," Jonah said. "But I used your boss. He thinks a lot of you and therefore me by association."

"Why not me? Did you think I wouldn't say something good?"

"No," Jonah said. "I didn't want you to know. I, okay, see, I have definitely developed feelings for you. Not just admire from afar feelings, but feelings for Amy, my boss, who's great at her job. So I thought a transfer was a really good idea. It's a really bad idea, me working for you when I want to date you."

"You wanted to date from the minute we met, in person, like," she said. 

"No, I thought you were hot and wished I knew you better. And other stuff I'm not going to mention," Jonah said.

"You masturbated thinking about me," Amy said, holding her shoes dully.

Jonah shrugged. "But the last five months, I think about, like, going to work and how much fun we still have even if we never ever meet outside the office. You're so smart, and you're a good trainer, and you stand up for yourself and you're honest and funny. And I'm making you uncomfortable, so I transferred." 

"Yeah," Amy said. "I'm also shocked a little. I mean, you're less creepy now. I can't believe you would go out with me. You know who I really am." She took a deep breath. "Sorry, I'm not always as sex worker positive as I say I am."

"I don't know who you really are at all. I know what job you had when you were in college. I know you as a boss and a little as a person," Jonah said. "If we can know anything about each other."

"Just when I think you're a normal human being," Amy said. 

"Lots of normal people talk about how hard it is to know each other, there are songs, and movies," Jonah said. 

"When do you transfer?"

"January first, but you know, I have the next two weeks off. We're going skiing," Jonah said. 

"The whole family?"

"Just me and my mom and my brothers," Jonah said. "And their wives."

"Your family wouldn't want me in your family," Amy said. 

"Only because you're not Jewish," Jonah said.

"They'd investigate me, your family is rich. I mean, if they ever do a background check," Amy said.

"One of my sisters in law is a former cam girl. You know, naked, masturbating, on the internet. You can still find her videos if you look hard enough. I never have," Jonah said. "I'm not kidding. She had to pay for her MFA. But the last script she wrote was performed at the Williamstown theater festival. PopPop and my Nana went."

"Does your family really like sex workers?"

"We're very open minded," Jonah said. "I feel like this conversation is going badly."

"No, it's good," she said, holding his forearm. He trembled a little. "Look, actually, Jonah, I would like the bed. Maybe we can have breakfast in the morning."

"Great," he said. 

They had a really nice breakfast. She worked the next two weeks getting used to missing an assistant. Her manager let her write the job advertisement so she could hire a new one. Most of the gossip around Jonah centered around a sort of grudging respect and wondering if he'd stay for longer than five months at his new position. 

For Christmas, Emma got the best present ever. Adam moved to Chicago and was staying with his brother and Emma's favorite cousin until he got his own place. He was already interviewing. Amy was so happy for Emma, for her silly smiles whenever Adam was around. He was a good father. He told Amy he was really dedicated to doing it right this time. 

By February, she was convinced he meant it. He had a good job, he had a great apartment, he shared custody with Amy. She felt a tight grip on her chest relax a little. 

She hadn't really talked to Jonah more than a few emails like hey how are you, where should I eat this weekend. But she was, she felt like she didn't need to be 100% responsible. She could be 80% responsible. Not stripping on the weekends super low level of responsible, but dating. She could date. 

So she waited outside in the parking lot by Jonah's car two days after Valentine's Day. His eyes lit up when he saw her. She said, "Are you seeing someone? It's okay if you are. I don't think I'm so hard to get over. I could be really bitchy to you."

"Not at all," Jonah said. "I'm not, are you getting ready to ask me out?" He was practically jumping out of his skin.

"Yeah," she said. "I am."

"Yes," he said. "Yes, I will go out with you. And we can be really quiet until you're sure so you don't feel judged by people at work. Or whatever you want."

"You know, what I really want is try out that private room thing," Amy said, stepping close to him. "You're right, I only did lap dances out in the club, but no one I met really made me want to try. But now."

"You're going to make me really embarrass myself," Jonah said. "Sounds great, absolutely great. Can we start tonight?"


End file.
